I just want to go home
You know what I find hilarious? I thought Darren was everything I ever wanted in a man. Dark curls, green eyes, short and stocky with strong muscles, musical, actor.
Instead, I fell in love with a 6”6’ blue eyed giant who’s thinner than a rake, has blonde dreadlocks and can barely hold a note.
Funny how fate steps in.
Thank you! I love him with all my heart and I’ve never doubted the fact that he loves me. It’s only a couple of months and I’ll see him again!
You left today. It was so rushed at the airport but I think that made it better for me. It meant the goodbye wasn’t prolonged. Instead you kissed me so hard and held your mouth to mine for longer than usual. Then I whispered ‘I love you’ and you said ‘I love you too’. No matter what happens, I’ll always remember the sad but serious look in your eyes, the smile almost dancing on your face and the way you said those words.
I miss you so much already. You’re everywhere I turn. You’re in Cougar Pete’s, you’re in the couches in the lobby, you’re in the teddy bear I have in my arms. You’re in the movies on my laptop and in the drink bottle on the table.
I want to remember everything. The way your hand feels in mine, the way your body feels pressed against mine when we watch a movie. The way you feel wrapped around me when I’m little spoon and the way you feel in my arms when I’m big spoon. I want to remember how your lips feel against mine and the way our bodies learned to connect so perfectly.
I want to remember the look in your eyes when you looked at me and the sound of your laugh. I want to remember laughing in the shower while we splashed water in each others faces. I want to remember your smile and your funny little phrases.
I want to remember the way your face lit up whenever I came home. I want to remember the way you called me your gorgeous girl.
I’m going to spend every second of every day missing you until I see you again.
I love you, Alex Kenny.
Not at all. That year was a huge learning curve for me and sex was part of that learning. I don’t have any plans to go out and sleep with a whole bunch of people anymore. The only guy I need is Alex.
I’m so afraid of our impending goodbye. I’m so scared of how much it’s going to hurt to have to look you in the eyes one last time, feel yours arms wrapped around me and feel your lips on mine and know that I’m going to have to remember that forever, because I won’t get to feel it again.
I’m trying to be positive, I’m trying to focus only on the good times because there are so so many. But right now all I can think about are the things I’m going to miss.
I’m going to miss coming home from work and having you waiting for me. I’m going to miss being woken up at 3am when you get home from work. I’m going to miss being totally wrapped up in your arms while I sleep.
I’m going to miss being your big spoon.
I’m going to miss watching movies all night and eating chocolate at 1am because you had a craving.
I’m going to miss the feeling of your hand in mine.
I’m just going to miss you.
Because I love you. I love you so fucking much, I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel it in my bones, in my veins, from my finger tips to my toes. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved and I love you differently.
I don’t love you because you’re family, I don’t love you because you saved me or because you fulfilled a broken teenage fantasy of a boy sweeping the girl off her feet.
I love you because you’re obsessed with Lions. I love you because you always ask me what my news is. I love you because you’re a hippy with dreads and a peace sign tattoo. I love you for a thousand silly reasons. And I love you because you love me.
I love you, Alex Kenny.
I’ve done it a couple of times but I isn’t a huge attraction for me. Which is kind of strange considering my boyfriend smokes a lot of weed.